RE: [SLUG] Windows 95 source code revealed!!!

From: John Wright (wjohn1@tampabay.rr.com)
Date: Sun Jan 13 2002 - 23:06:54 EST


Steven:

Thank you for voicing this for me. I just joined the group a couple days
ago and was seriously thinking about withdrawing my subscription because
of this posting. I joined this group to learn something about Linux. NOT
to read a bunch of blast fest bull. It is good to see I am not alone here.

-----Original Message-----
From: slug@lists.nks.net [mailto:slug@lists.nks.net]On Behalf Of Steven
Johnson
Sent: Sunday, January 13, 2002 9:08 PM
To: slug@nks.net
Subject: Re: [SLUG] Windows 95 source code revealed!!!

Is there any way that we could possibly make a new years resolution to post
this stuff in the slug-pol list? Yes, this is funny. Yes, this is
humorous. But quite frankly I am a little tired of reading messages that
bash MS on linux lists. Is there not enough linux news out there?

----Original Message Follows----
From: Norbert Cartagena <niccademous@yahoo.com>
Reply-To: slug@nks.net
To: slug@nks.net
Subject: [SLUG] Windows 95 source code revealed!!!
Date: Sun, 13 Jan 2002 13:25:05 -0500

Just ran across this. Apparently it's a portion of the Win95 source code.

Gnorb
---------------------------------

Subject: *** TOP SECRET MICROSOFT CODE ***

Project: Version - Windows 95

Microsoft marketing strategy (MARKET.EXE):

#include <nonsense.h>

#include <lies.h>

#include <spyware.h> /* Microsoft Network Connectivity library */

#include <process.h> /* For the court of law */

#define say(x) lie(x)

#define computeruser ALL_WANT_TO_BUY_OUR_BUGWARE

#define next_year soon

#define the_product_is_ready_to_ship another_beta_version

void main()

{

   if (latest_window_version>one_month_old)

   {

     if (there_are_still_bugs)

       market(bugfix);

     if (sales_drop_below_certain_point)

       raise(RUMOURS_ABOUT_A_NEW_BUGLESS_VERSION);

   }

   while(everyone_chats_about_new_version)

   {

     make_false_promise(it_will_be_multitasking); /* Standard Call, in

                                                     lie.h */

     if (rumours_grow_wilder)

       make_false_promise(it_will_be_plug_n_play);

     if (rumours_grow_even_wilder)

     {

       market_time=ripe;

       say("It will be ready in one month);

       order(programmers, stop_fixing_bugs_in_old_version);

       order(programmers, start_brainstorm_about_new_version);

       order(marketingstaff, permission_to_spread_nonsense);

       vapourware=TRUE;

       break;

      }

   }

   switch (nasty_questions_of_the_worldpress)

   {

      case WHEN_WILL_IT_BE_READY:

        say("It will be ready in", today+30_days," we're just testing");

        break;

     case WILL_THIS_PLUG_AND_PLAY_THING_WORK:

        say("Yes it will work");

        ask(programmers, why_does_it_not_work);

        pretend(there_is_no_problem);

        break;

      case WHAT_ARE_MINIMAL_HARDWARE_REQUIREMENTS:

        say("It will run on a 8086 with lightning speed due to"

            " the 32 bits architecture");

        inform(INTEL, "Pentium sales will rise skyhigh");

        inform(SAMSUNG, "Start a new memorychip plant"

               "'cos all those customers will need at least 32 megs");

        inform(QUANTUM, "Thanks to our fatware your sales will triple");

        get_big_bonus(INTEL, SAMSUNG, QUANTUM);

        break;

      case DOES_MICROSOFT_GET_TOO_MUCH_INFLUENCE:

        say("Oh no, we are just here to make a better world for

             everyone");

        register(journalist, Big_Bill_Book);

        when(time_is_ripe)

        {

          arrest(journalist);

          brainwash(journalist);

          when(journalist_says_windows95_is_bugfree)

          {

            order(journalist, "write a nice objective article");

            release (journalist);

          }

        }

        break;

    }

    while (vapourware)

    {

      introduction_date++; /* Delay */

      if (no_one_believes_anymore_there_will_be_a_release)

        break;

      say("It will be ready in",today+ONE_MONTH);

   }

   release(beta_version)

   while (everyone_is_dumb_enough_to_buy_our_bugware)

   {

     bills_bank_account += 150*megabucks;

     release(new_and_even_better_beta_version);

     introduce(more_memory_requirements);

     if (customers_report_installation_problems)

     {

       say("that is a hardware problem, not a software problem");

       if (smart_customer_says_but_you_promised_plug_and_play)

       {

         ignore(customer);

         order(microsoft_intelligence_agency, "Keep an eye on this

                                               bastard");

       }

     }

     if (there_is_another_company)

     {

       steal(their_ideas);

       accuse(compagny, stealing_our_ideas);

       hire(a_lot_of_lawyers); /* in process.h */

       wait(until_other_company_cannot_afford_another_lawsuit);

       buy_out(other_company);

     }

   }

   /* Now everyone realizes that we sell bugware and they are all angry at

      us */

   order(plastic_surgeon, make_bill_look_like_poor_bastard);

   buy(nice_little_island); hire(harem);

   laugh_at(everyone,

for_having_the_patience_year_after_year_for_another_unfinished_version);

}

void bugfix(void)

{

   charge (a_lot_of_money)

   if (customer_says_he_does_not_want_to_pay_for_bugfix)

     say("It is not a bugfix but a new version");

   if (still_complaints)

   {

     ignore(customer);

     register(customer, big_Bill_book);

     /* We'll get him when everyone uses Billware!!*/

   }

}

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