Thus spake Derek Glidden on the 15 day of the 07 month in the year 2002:
<snip>
> If anything, you should set it on the table and let it know, loudly and
> in no uncertain terms, what you are going to do to it, its friends, its
> relatives, and any nearby hardware that merely looks similar, if it
> doesn't cooperate. If it still doesn't work, set it inside the
> microwave (but don't turn it on!) and close the door on it. Let it sit
> there for a minute or two to think about it, then try again. If it
> still isn't working, get out the power tools and lay them on the table
> nearby and let it get a good look at them. At that point, if it's still
> not working, you can pretty reliably say it's completely dead and do
> whatever you want with it. (Generally I start using the power tools...)
Personally, I've had incredible luck solving all sorts of
computer/electronic related problems by grumbling under my breath and
verbally letting the hardware/software know that _I_ mean business.
Occasionally uttering "you stupid toaster oven", or similar, during this
grumbling session helps. Additionally, grumbling at the
engineers/programmers who released the bone-headed design, or the
management who insisted that said engineers/programmers release in it's
current state is also helpful. (It's funny, but I very rarely, if ever,
grumble at Open Source Software.)
I'll have to try the Power Tools and Microwave hardware repair/intimidation
methods myself. While I haven't tried it personally, an electronics
nut / Unix god friend of mine swears by cold Oscilloscope probes.
I understand Sid from UserFriendly uses this method as well. :-) IIRC
UserFriendly ran a series about this a year or so ago.
I've also found the mere presence of my LART hammer to have a
noticeable effect.
Has anyone attempted intimidation with firearms? I'm guessing that has
potential as well. ;-)
>
> Malfunctioning hardware only respects the firm hand of ultimate
> authority. I can't count the number of hardware "failures" that I've
Amen.
> seen that were simply the result of the operator losing their Alpha Male
> status in the hierarchy. "Hardware failures"? Pshaw! It's Fear and
> Weakness that result in most of the problems!
>
The /true/ hardware Alpha Male can will it into a functioning state. :-)
-- Matthew MoenOutlook is as attractive to email viruses as a heap of dead and rotting cows is to a fly. So long as that maggot-filled pile of corpses is there, swatting at the flies isn't going to work. Alan Bellingham, SDM
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